Comments for Carol Drury, PhD

Comment on The Signs of Emotional Abuse by Dr. Carol

Dr. Carol — Sat, 28 Aug 2010 17:47:25 +0000

I am so glad you found it helpful. I hope if you are in an emotionally abusive situation or you know someone else who is, that you or the other will get some counseling and get strong. No one shoulkd have to tolerate anything but respect in this very short life we have on earth – it is our birthright to experience joy everyday of our lives and no one has the right to take that away from us. If you would like to email me directly, please do not hesitate.

Comment on The Signs of Emotional Abuse by Valarie Szala

Valarie Szala — Sat, 28 Aug 2010 15:53:46 +0000

Hi, thank you for the amazing post. You don’t know how this helped me.

Comment on The Signs of Emotional Abuse by Dr. Carol

Dr. Carol — Wed, 07 Jul 2010 04:32:05 +0000

Please get yourself some short term counseling to help you learn to trust again. This guy was a sleeze from the start and good at hiding it initially. There are wonderful men out there who want to be in a trusting, respectful, passionate relationship, but you are going to have trouble trusting they are sincere. A counselor can help you put this incident behind you. If you had any other anbandonment in your childhood, then it is much more important. Realize that guys like this are really really good at what they do, so don’t beat yourself up – he would most likely have gotten over on the best of us. But remember, its ok to fall head over heals in love, just don’t lose your head – our brains don’t register a person’s negative characteristics during the “romantic” phaseof a relationship, so you will have to pay close attention and come down from the clouds now and then and do a reality check!

Comment on Definition of Hypnosis by Dr. Carol

Dr. Carol — Wed, 07 Jul 2010 04:26:08 +0000

I will mention it to my webmaster and also try it myself and see what happens – I will get back to you – thanks for the feedback!

Comment on Why Women Cheat by Dr. Carol

Dr. Carol — Wed, 07 Jul 2010 04:25:04 +0000

I could not agree more. Maintaining a satisfying and loving relationship takes work and attention by both partners and it also requires over looking a whole lot!!! Not everything you dislike about your partner needs to be brought to his or her attention – after all, I’m certain he or she could come up with a laundry list of his or her own. If you can’t do it alone, then find someone who can help you learn new skills so you don’t have to make all the mistakes so many of us had to before we got it right!

Comment on Ten Ways to Spring Clean Your Relationship by Dr. Carol Drury

Dr. Carol Drury — Wed, 07 Jul 2010 04:20:17 +0000

Butterfly, I wish I could really turn you into a butterfly and let you fly away from a truly emotionally abusive relationship. Although I do not know you personally, what I do know is that you are a sensitive, loving, and kind woman who is being treated with disrespect and humilitated on a daily basis. Why do you stay? This is not love? You deserve someone who can love you back in a way that you deserve, and you do deserve it. You will get over the loss of this man, although it will be hard at first, but a life time of his abuse is unbearable to contemplate. Is he so insecure that he needs you for an emotional punching bag? Please do something to get yourself out of this situation. Many women before you have done it and so can you. Where there is a will there is a way. Your life depends on it – maybe not physically, but certainly emotionally and spiritually. Find someone you trust to talk with – a priest or pastor, a strong woman you admire who won’t have a bias, a counselor, an abused women’s center, or an attorney who will give you a free consultation. If you look I know you will find lots of support where you live. Please don’t take it any longer – this is not a dress rehersal – you don’t get to come back and live this life over again – you have to find joy and love in this lifetime and I am certain it will elude you in this marriage. He is a bully, and feels like a big man degrading a woman – sure not very big in my book or in most people’s books who have any decency. Please let me know what you are doing by emailing me and if you need any more encouragement, email me too.

Comment on Ten Ways to Spring Clean Your Relationship by Ludic Butterfly

Ludic Butterfly — Thu, 01 Jul 2010 03:07:31 +0000

Carol,
I wish I could be the partner you reference here for my husband. I’m dying for it. He doesn’t seem to have any respect for me and it’s hurting me very deeply. I try to talk to him about it by giving him examples but he is instantly defensive and feels that nothing he does is ever good enough for me. We’ve been together 17 years. It has been like this for a very, very long time. When we go out in public together and run into anyone either of us knows or even strangers for that matter that we happen to chit chat with, he always throws out some kind of derogotory remark about me in the conversation. He tosses it out there jokingly but he means what he is saying. So many times I have had to mosey away from him because I couldn’t hide my tears at how bad it hurts me. I wish he would say something nice about me. I wish he were proud to be married to me. I wish he were not ashamed to let the world know that he does love me. The things he says makes me feel like a reject. Substandard. Like he drew the short straw and he resents me. I long so much to hear something good.

The other thing that makes me feel like he doesn’t respect or adore me is that he tells his co-workers EVERYTHING. He tells me they are his family. This pretty much tells me that I fall below these people in his pecking order. He tells them intimate details about our sex life, all the details of my medical issues – private & embarrassing details that I specifically asked him not to tell people, about every disagreement we have, about a hurtful arguement that my daughter and I had in which she excluded me from the birth of my first grandchild (I specifically asked him not to discuss this because it was so painful for me and he did it within the first hour of the next workday). When I ask him if he told anyone these things (after being told by someone else or hearing it myself and KNOWING he did it) he lies to me. I’m at my whit’s end.

I have been a good wife. I read everything I can. I give as much as I can. I do all of the things the books and articles say. I’m his wild thing and his homemaker and I try so hard to be his best friend… to no avail. I survived two known affairs (on his end) in this marriage… both with co-workers… one was my best friend. He still works with one of them and I deal with that and I think that speaks a lot of my love and comittment. I would like to believe in my fairy tale world that I hold some kind of value but I am not feeling it. I am feeling like a disposable piece of junk in his life.

I find myself praying to be saved from this now. I catch myself trying to imagine another man coming in and rescuing me and being the wonderful husband I long for. There is no one. Not even a remote interest in anyone. I can’t even come up with a face. The only man I have loved for 17 years is ignoring me downstairs and talking trash about me every chance he gets. I just finished making homemade cobblers with fresh fruit for him and his co-workers… just because I wanted to. I’m really not a bad person and I just don’t understand and don’t know what to do. I’m hurting very badly.

Comment on Why Women Cheat by save my marriage guy

save my marriage guy — Tue, 29 Jun 2010 07:27:17 +0000

I’m happy that you’re talking about it so the rest of us is able to know! Will use for sure. To tell you the truth, took me a while to get it right, you have to reignite the situation that first made it work early on and also stop doing a lot of poor decisions we all make naturally if you want to save the marriage

Comment on The Signs of Emotional Abuse by Dr. Carol

Dr. Carol — Tue, 15 Jun 2010 22:20:55 +0000

This does not meet the definition of emotional abuse, but I bet it sure does feel like it. There are so many reasons why your wife may not be interested in having an intimate relationship with you, but what she doesn’t seem to understand is that she is condeming you to a life of no intimacy and it is not your choice. When we get marry, the implication is that we will not be intimate with anyone else so the expectation is that our partner will meet our intimacy and sexual needs. When one partner does not follow through, then there is a sense of betrayal. You didn’t say how long you have been married or how your sexual relationship was before you were married, how old you are, what her sexual history is, whether you try to seduce her brain before her body, how many pregnancies she has had, how she feels about her body, whether she is depressed – I could go on – it could also be hormonal – There is so much that can be done for a woman’s low libido now, but she has to put herself out there to find the answer. It is a difficult decision to make, but I don’t believe you can have a full loving relationship without passion and if you think you can you are fooling yourself! If she isn’t willing to do anything about her problem, then you have some tough decisions to make.

Comment on The Signs of Emotional Abuse by Bradk

Bradk — Sun, 13 Jun 2010 14:55:43 +0000

I’m a man who has been turned down for sex for a decade unless it was preplanned, even then when I would try to an it with her she would say things like “is all you think about”. I can remember maybe 5 times in 12 years when we had sex and It was not the initiated by me. She wouldn’t kiss me good bye very often, when I would try she would just tilt her head forward so I could kiss her forehead. Is the emotional abuse? I ended up leaving because of some mistakes that I have made now I’m the bad guy and it seems so unfair. Everyone tells me to go back because “she will take you back” but they can’t understand what living with her did to my manhood… Am I a victem of emotional abuse or do I just need to suck it up and be a man?